Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
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