Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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