your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
