wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
