Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
