My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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