So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum for enchiladas.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize