S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
