I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
