he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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