Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
