Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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