I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
