dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
