Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
