I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
