just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Never underestimate the power of titties
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
