I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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