I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
