One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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