My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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