Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
