I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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