I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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