I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
