My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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