Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
