I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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