U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
