Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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