You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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