He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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