anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
