ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Walk of Shame today included voting.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
