You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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