hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
