I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
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I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
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He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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