I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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