Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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