I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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