If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
