she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
