dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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