your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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