The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
