I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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