I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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