Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
