trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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