I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
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I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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