high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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