WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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