It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
