i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
