i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
