and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
