My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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