So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
