The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
