ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
