like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
