that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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