I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
