And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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