I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
