I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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