with your own penis?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
