there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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