I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
where are you?
Hypothermia
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
