My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
