And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
