Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
