At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
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Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
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Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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