Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
