dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
This house was built for laser tag.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
