you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
